Hey Athletes:
Last week I shared some of the fears and doubts I had when training for my first marathon. (Click here to read it.)
But even after four intense months of training, my fears and doubts never went away. If anything, they got worse.
Because once my training was done, the nightmares started. The Thursday night before the Sunday race, I dreamt I did not make it to Raleigh because I forgot about the marathon. That meant all my training was now worthless.
Friday night, I dreamt I made it to Raleigh but couldn’t find the starting line on the day of the race. I asked people where to go. They kept pointing me in different directions. I never made it to the starting line. I never got to run.
Even though my dreams left me feeling quite uneasy, I traveled to Raleigh with my parents on Saturday. Being in the city meant my first nightmare wouldn’t come true. But I was still worried about the second one.
I was also worried I would oversleep, so I woke up several times throughout the night. If I overslept, I wouldn’t have time to eat my banana and bagel for breakfast, and I wouldn’t be able to follow any fellow runners to the starting line. They would all be there by the time I woke up and I would get lost.
When the alarm finally sounded early Sunday morning, I gladly got out of bed and went through my normal morning routine. Then my parents and I walked out of the hotel and followed the crowd to the starting line.
Thousands of people with numbers pinned to their shirts and timing chips attached to their shoelaces stretched and jogged and milled around waiting for the race to begin. I looked down at my own shirt and my own shoelace. I looked like everyone else. I looked like a runner.
That’s when the doubts kicked in.
I was sure everyone knew I was just pretending. Didn’t they know I didn’t belong? They’d know when the race began. They’d pass me and laugh and wonder why I was trying to be something I had never been before, something I couldn’t be today: a runner.
Before I had a chance to cry or run away, a man ordered all the runners to the starting line. I took my place among the other numbered shirts. I was here. My second nightmare couldn’t come true. So what was going to keep me from running? I was sure something wouldn’t keep me from living my dream of running a marathon.
It wouldn’t be an early December snowstorm. The sun shining in the clear blue sky made it warm enough for me to be comfortable in my short-sleeved shirt and shorts.
So what would it be? I wasn’t sick. I wasn’t hurt. I wasn’t–the starting gun exploded.
I was scared. I was TERRIFIED. But I reacted anyway. I surged forward with the crowd and began competing in my very first race.
Next week I’ll share how the actual race went and let you know if I was able to overcome my fears and doubts and live my dream of finishing a marathon.
In the meantime, think about what kinds of things make you feel scared and doubtful when you’re about to compete.
Do you let those feelings stop you from taking action?
Why or why not?
Please share your answers in the comment section.
To your sports dreams,
Bonnie Jean
